Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
