I like my sex mixed with concussions.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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