addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
