I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
