You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
