My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
