I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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