Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I want to fling myself into the sun
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
