I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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