I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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