im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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