3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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