I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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