So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
