His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
