We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
