Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
