The maid of honor just puked.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
