I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
