remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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