It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
