I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
