Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
