Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
now i know why i became what i already was.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
