your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
