a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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