The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
