Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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