no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
