i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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