i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Congratulations! We have a period
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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