The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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