She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
