Where did you get a picture of my penis
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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