WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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