Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
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Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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