Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
