woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
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