first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize