A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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