I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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