We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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