Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
