I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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