No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
