there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
