Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
