I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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