Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
