i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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