I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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