Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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