He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You've changed since you got that strap on
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
