the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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