Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
