She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
