my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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