found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
