Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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