Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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