The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
