Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
