On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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