im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
