i permit you to call me
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
