So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
