Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize