Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
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