Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
