I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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