i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
