The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Randomize
