i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
