Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
