Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
