If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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