Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
