I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
